It hurts to be shrewd....At least for me
"Reduce your tension" if you want to get rid of your jaw pain, head aches and other entourages associated with the same, was the prescription given by my doctor for my recurrent pains . I went for physiotherapy, had regular appointments with the orthodontist and mentally told myself to reduce my tension. In fact, when I had to move away from my family for a short duration (relatively short in terms of my probable life time) I promised to my dad that I will be calm and patient and won’t get tensed.
Well, the underlying logic in this is, I get tensed when ever I think “otherwise”, in the sense I got tensed whenever I had other views than my peers and of course I never got tensed if I told my views to my friends who understand me, here also the catch is “who understand” me. I found it extremely to make them understand and in the process of making my point I got extremely tensed. Trust me I got so tensed that I got a XYZ pain syndrome, its XYZ now cause I don’t want to name the pain in public, basically it gets to do with the bones.
So naturally my faulty or smart logic (Yet to be determined, which of the two, since its in experimental stage yet) was that if I avoid having thoughts of my own, then I will get my pain reduced. So, as soon as I came to this new place I avoided confrontation on all fronts possible, or in other words I became a “yes –woman”.
Though this completely eliminated my original problem of pain in the jaw and bones, it created side effects, just like any other medicine. Basically, people started taking me for granted and talked at the back of me and even in front of me. Due to the allegiance to my vow, I smiled and kept smiling even if they ignored me. Even matters concerning me, that is, if my roommate disturbs my sleep, I didn’t talk back and kept quiet when she talked back. So on the whole, the new people I saw or I am seeing think of me as a subservient person who will listen to all the crap anyone talks and smiles back or rarely talks back like a stupid. Well, my medicine did work for one part of the problem , that is people who talked back on me , were again talked back on them by someone else, its basically a lucky instance when you will escape being talked back on and “miraculously” they became tolerate to my presence and didn’t ignore me as much as they did. But it fails on the second part of being taken for granted by a person whom you stay with.
So, after lots of patience and tolerance, I am starting to get back my previous symptom of pain when I start thinking how they take me for granted. The thought that someone is basically using me for their purpose and their wellness hurts my bones. I have to prepare hours or sometimes weeks in advance to put across my view on certain things when it concerns me and hurts me like hell. It’s very hurting to be shrewd and do things for my own and the worst part is I am able to identify that the other person is acting either cunning or shrewd but I don’t talk back, because that’s not me and if I do try to be them, it hurts me again.
So, the conclusion I got is, it hurts if I try to act for my own good and it hurts if I don’t .Though, this is not a solution, I feel I identified the problem at least, there might be no cure for cancer but it feels better when you get diagnosed properly.
"Reduce your tension" if you want to get rid of your jaw pain, head aches and other entourages associated with the same, was the prescription given by my doctor for my recurrent pains . I went for physiotherapy, had regular appointments with the orthodontist and mentally told myself to reduce my tension. In fact, when I had to move away from my family for a short duration (relatively short in terms of my probable life time) I promised to my dad that I will be calm and patient and won’t get tensed.
Well, the underlying logic in this is, I get tensed when ever I think “otherwise”, in the sense I got tensed whenever I had other views than my peers and of course I never got tensed if I told my views to my friends who understand me, here also the catch is “who understand” me. I found it extremely to make them understand and in the process of making my point I got extremely tensed. Trust me I got so tensed that I got a XYZ pain syndrome, its XYZ now cause I don’t want to name the pain in public, basically it gets to do with the bones.
So naturally my faulty or smart logic (Yet to be determined, which of the two, since its in experimental stage yet) was that if I avoid having thoughts of my own, then I will get my pain reduced. So, as soon as I came to this new place I avoided confrontation on all fronts possible, or in other words I became a “yes –woman”.
Though this completely eliminated my original problem of pain in the jaw and bones, it created side effects, just like any other medicine. Basically, people started taking me for granted and talked at the back of me and even in front of me. Due to the allegiance to my vow, I smiled and kept smiling even if they ignored me. Even matters concerning me, that is, if my roommate disturbs my sleep, I didn’t talk back and kept quiet when she talked back. So on the whole, the new people I saw or I am seeing think of me as a subservient person who will listen to all the crap anyone talks and smiles back or rarely talks back like a stupid. Well, my medicine did work for one part of the problem , that is people who talked back on me , were again talked back on them by someone else, its basically a lucky instance when you will escape being talked back on and “miraculously” they became tolerate to my presence and didn’t ignore me as much as they did. But it fails on the second part of being taken for granted by a person whom you stay with.
So, after lots of patience and tolerance, I am starting to get back my previous symptom of pain when I start thinking how they take me for granted. The thought that someone is basically using me for their purpose and their wellness hurts my bones. I have to prepare hours or sometimes weeks in advance to put across my view on certain things when it concerns me and hurts me like hell. It’s very hurting to be shrewd and do things for my own and the worst part is I am able to identify that the other person is acting either cunning or shrewd but I don’t talk back, because that’s not me and if I do try to be them, it hurts me again.
So, the conclusion I got is, it hurts if I try to act for my own good and it hurts if I don’t .Though, this is not a solution, I feel I identified the problem at least, there might be no cure for cancer but it feels better when you get diagnosed properly.
Comments
Hey, but I agree with the doc. I read from some other unrelated works that your body tends to protest when you work against it and thats why you feel sick. I don't so much as subscribe to that theory, but seems true in my friend's (your) case!
The solution is not ignoring or becoming the "yes" master, but creating an additional level of abstraction that decides what is good to you.
Actually, I have more to say. But putting them in a public post may do you less good. So, I ll mail em sometime.
but no matter what others say, u stick on to your beliefs, and your way of doing things - your thought process - you are unlike others - bcoz u r special kid-prof :)